Akatsuki Adventures
by XxShoukoKirishimaxX
Summary: The Akatsuki comes for a meeting to discuss their evil doings. Later they go out and try to do more evil to the world but end up failing in their mission in a funny way. But that won't stop them from trying to spread the evil!
1. Chapter 1

"Well, thank you Konan, Zetsu and Tobi for being the only ones too come to the meeting" Pein rolled his eyes

"Tobi came because Tobi's a good boy!" Tobi smiled

"Yes, but where are the rest of our idiot members" Pein asked

"Sorry I'm late... I saw a sushi restaurant on the way" Kisame stated walking in with Itachi and sitting on a couch

"Let me guess... you burned it down" Pein asked sarcastically

"Actually I didn't... I just told Itachi it was sasuke" Kisame laughed

"Sasuke! where? Sasuke... you've grown strong but not strong enough you still lack..." Itachi started

"KISAME I'M GONNA TURN YOU INTO A NICE SUSHI LUNCH! HOW DARE YOU BURN DOWN I ENTIRE FUCKING MALL JUST TO GET RID OF ONE SUSHI PLACE DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THAT COST ME!" Kakuzu stormed in dragging Hidan by the hair.

"Kisame... a entire mall?" Pein sighed

"Hey guys... hm. Sasori got run over by a car on the way home. And I got a ticket for showing little kids explosives hm. If you ask me your never too young too learn art. Did you guys know it's a crime to blow up a art museum? hm. People don't know true art." Deidara said walking in and plopping on the couch next to Kisame.

"When this world is under a infinite Tsukuyomi we won't have this problem everyone will be under MY control MWAHAHAHA" Tobi declared.

The akatsuki stared at him wide eyed.

" I mean, hehe museum went boom" Tobi said.

"...Well ANYWAYS now that everybody has come everybody why did we join the akatsuki" Pein asked

"To kill all sushi lovers" Kisame said

"To show the world true art." Deidara said

"To tell sasuke he needs to learn more hatred" Itachi said

"To sacrifice to Jashin" Hidan shouted

"To make origami" Konan said

" NO NO! We are here for world domination. Now I want everybody to go and further our world domination plans by doing something evil"

ten mins later...

"So what did you do?" Pein asked

"I didn't do anything." Itachi said.

"Of course you didn't... ok so did anyone actually do anything..." Pein started

Tobi waved his hand wildly in the air

"Anything EVIL" Pein finished

"I DID do something evil though" Tobi whined

"What. Tobi." Pein asked

"Tobi was a good boy and caught a Jinchuuriki! Say hi Fox" Tobi said putting a bag in front of Pein.

The Akatsuki gasped. Pein took a look in the bag.

"Uh. Tobi." Pein started "Mhm" Tobi asked

"This is a actual Fox with 8 fake tails attached to it... how did you get confusede. ONE OF THE TAILS ARE BLUE WITH RED STARS TOBI. ugh. Just go, all of you go make a list of evil things we can do in the future" Pein grumbled.

Hidan Kisame and Itachi Sat at the table coming up with ideas.

"So, we should go find a male Genin and throw him in Orochimaru's hideout." Kisame said

"Kisame that's stupid. But I don't know why I expected anything better"

"Hey that IS a good idea ya know." Hidan said

"Hidan think about this. A group of grown men, plus Deidara and Konan go to Konaha and get a 13 year old Genin and leave. Who looks like the pedophile here?" Itachi said

"Oh. What if Konan goes alone, then it looks natural, we can put Konan in a kimono!" Hidan suggested

"Hidan that's still, actually that's a good idea. Congratulations, you now have a 2 digit IQ" Itachi said sarcastically


	2. Akatsuki Adventures Chapter 2

"He'll no." Konan shouted

"Damn it Konan just do it, it's for the akatsuki" Hidan begged

"Konan hm. Just do it."

"Konan is a bad girl" Tobi declared earning a death stare from Konan and shocked expressions from the Akatsuki

"what happened I just-" Tobi started

"Tobi one more word and you'll be sacrificed to the greater good" Konan snapped

"I'll tell you when you're older hm." Deidara said

"Anyways who's bright Idea was it that I wear a kimono" Konan demanded

Itachi and Kisame glanced at Hidan. "C'mon, shit, don't act like you dont wanna see Konan in a FUCKING KIMONO" Hidan exclaimed

"I don't think There's a problem with you wearing a kimono" Pein added

"This is all completely trivial. Why don't we just get Zetsu to make clones look like us and have them go into Konoha 'accidentally' get caught then leave. That way the Genin's could just come to us and nobody has to go anywhere." Itachi suggested

"Why didn't you say antrying before hm?" Deidara asked

"I wanted to test your capacity, but it's obvious it's very small" Itachi explained

"HEY DAMNIT DON'T ACT LIKE YOUR GOD JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE THAT SHITTY SHARINGAN YOU DICK HEAD! YOU'LL BE THE NEXT SACRIFICE TO JASHIN!" Hidan grabbed his scythe for effect

"YOU WANT ME TOO BLOW YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEAD OFF HM?!" Deidara threatened

"I AM THE GOD of THIS organization so everybody shut up because we're going with Itachi's plan" Pein stated

"We sent out the clones no we're goin to find a snack" Zetsu said walking off

"I will be God once my Eye Of The Moon plan comes intact MWAHAHAHAHAHA" Tobi laughed evily

Itachi and Pein narrowed their eyes at Tobi

"I-I mean hehehehe Tobi wants to play on the moon" Tobi giggled

"While you guys were acting stupid a couple genins arrived" Konan rolled her eyes

Naruto, Sai and Sakura walked into the area of S-Ranked criminals.

"You all except sakura are going to Orochimaru's place because you lack hatred" Itachi said grabbing Sai by the arm.

"You obviously lack penis" Sai said causing Itachi too go sulk in his room

"I'll make you a nice sacrifice to Jashin if you don't SHUT THE HE'LL up" Hidan said getting in a attack stance

"That's a big scythe, you must be compensating for something in any case it's probably still bigger than naruto's" Sai smiled.

"That's it! I am God and you will shut up now" Pein demanded

"If it makes you feel any better you'll grow a penis one day" Sai said

"Sai, your pissing them off you idiot lets go before you get killed" Sakura grabbed Sai by the ear and dragged him away

Itachi stormed out his room with Orochimaru trailing him "Itachi don't be mad, I know you have a nice Uchiha penis" Orochimaru said

"how do you..." Pein trailed off

"Go away!" Itachi said

"Is this about the time I took you in the shower with me while you were asleep because-" Orochimaru started

"Ah." Pein said

"NO! How did you get in here anyways" Itachi complained

"...Bye for now, I need too check on my little sasuke-kun" Orochimaru disappeared

"SASUKE! Little brother you've-" Itachi started

"Shut up he's not here" Konan snapped.

"Anyways... MEETING!" Pein said

5 minutes later..

"We still haven't done anything evil" Pein sighed

"I knew these idiot's would mess everything up so I went ahead and just used Ameterasu on a grocery store" Itachi said

"Thank you. At least we have ONE member of the akatsuki other than myself, Konan and Zetsu who is actually evil" Pein said

"Konan isn't evil Hm. All she does is give people paper cuts" Deidara complained

"Or do you mean she's evil in bed" Hidan winked causing Pein to stammer

"She IS evil guys women are the most evil people. She keeps this a secret but..." Kakadu started

"Eats sushi?" Kisame gasped

"No... worse" Kakuzu said

"Doesn't beleive art is an explosion" Deidara gasped

"No... ten times worse" Kakuzu said

"Sleeps with you?" Hidan fake gasped

"... Funny. But even worse... She...GOES TO THE MALL TO BUY THINGS SHE DOESN'T ACTUALLY NEED" Kakuzu exclaimed

"Kakuzu you know that isn't really- anyways Kakuzu tomorrow I need you and Hidan too go hunt down two tails" Pein said


	3. Akatsuki Advetures chapter 3

"SHIT Kakuzu, Hurry up and get that dollar out of the gutter or I'll stick my Scythe in there and cut it into tiny Fucking peices" Hidan told Kakuzu as his partner was attempting to get a five dollar bill from a gutter.

"Five dollars Hidan, I curse whoever left it to die here. Wait, ah, er, got it." Kakuzu said excitedly as he pulled out the money.

"Now can we go get this damned two tails. When we get there... I'm going too...CHOP IT UP...then I will... TASTE THE BLOOD... then I will..." Hidan ranted excitedly.

"Hidan you realize we need it alive right." Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"This goes against my religion, but maybe if the Jinchuuriki host is still alive once we take the two tails..." Hidan trailed off.

"I don't care, but after we get it we're going bounty hunting, the guy were looking for resides close too our true target" Kakuzu said as they arrived at the cave.

**After they successfully caught the Jinchuuriki host**

"Damn it Kakuzu, who is the target anyways we've been looking for him for hours" Hidan complained

"Hidan we've been looking for twenty minutes" Kakuzu sighed

"Hey Kakuzu..." Hidan started

"I don't want to hear your complaining" Kakuzu said

"Just listen dickhead, Isn't that the guy were looking for" Hidan said pointing towards a former Amegakure shinobi.

"It is, be careful Hidan he's more dangerous than he looks" Kakuzu warned his partner

"HEY YOU STOP WALKING" Hidan shouted at the shinobi

The shinobi turned and smirked then kept walking

"Hidan we have a break, lets not pursue him and retreat" Kakuzu said

"HEY DAMNIT DON'T ACT SO COCKY, WHEN PEOPLE ACT COCKY THAT GETS ME ANGRY, AND WHEN I GET ANGRY I START KILLING PEOPLE, YOU UNDERSTAND DICKHEAD!?" Hidan shouted at the shinobi

The shinobi started to walk towards Hidan

"You disgust me, I kill things that disgust me" The shinobi smirked

"You idiot you had to provoke him" Kakuzu said coming up next to his partner

"Hey, Kakuzu, he doesn't have piercings...I Always thought it was some lame ass Amegakure thing, I guess it's some stupid Leader-_sama _thing." Hidan laughed, mocking pein.

"Leader-sama? But youre not from Amegakure, who are you? why would someone from Amegakure hire you?" the shinobi asked

"If you really wanna know dickhead, he goes by pein" Hidan said, getting out his Scythe

Suddenly the shinobi looked scared and retreated

**Later in the Akatsuki base**

" hey Deidara-_chan, _me and Kakuzu caught you a freind maybe you guys could paint your nails together and talk about boys" Hidan teased

"SHUT UP, I'm a male. Just because I wore a dress one time because I was posing to help Sasori-dana with his puppets does not make me a girl." Deidara said angrily

"I take it you successfully caught the Jinchuuriki host?" Pein asked

"yes, here." Kakazu tossed Pein the Jinchuuriki host.

"Hey Hidan psst, come here" Kisame called.

Hidan sat on the red couch next to Kisame

"we're gonna prank Itachi, see I got this voice changer thing that can make us sound like Sasuke. I'll be me and you **can make a shadow clone be Sasuke, it'll be hilarious." laughed Kisame **

"That's a fucking awesome idea!" Hidan made a shadow clone

**The next day during a Akatsuki meeting**

"Oh hi Sasuke, why are you here?" Kisame asked the Shadow clone

"I'm looking for Itachi." The clone said

"Sasuke!" Itachi yelled facing the clone and using fire ball jutsu on it wich the clone dodged.

"Sasuke little brother, you've grown stronger but still! You are weak, why are you weak? It's because you lack... hatred" Itachi said.

Kisame tried hard not too laugh as Itachi attacked the clone again.

"Foolish little brother, if you wish too kill me, hate me, detest me, and-" Itachi started

"This has gone far enough! Hidan make the clone go away and Itachi just go find Sasuke already" Pein said

Kisame and Hidan burst out laughing

"AHAHAHA YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN YOUR DAMN FACE ITACHI" Hidan laughed.

"You Idiots ruined our meeting, anyways let's just go take the Jinchuuriki already" Pein said walking away.


End file.
